We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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