smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
