If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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