I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i dont even know how to be here
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
