Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
