oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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