i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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