im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
