Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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