I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
