So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
