Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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