Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
