I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
