the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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