so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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