I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
She needs sedatives and a leash
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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