Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
