When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
