what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
