omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Welp...herpes.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
