I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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