You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Boobs are out for the taking
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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