I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
