The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
