Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You need Xanax blowdarts
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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