I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
