Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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