I feel great
I just peed on a car
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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