dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
