WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
