somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
