I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
farters have to be the big spoon...
operation have a gay friend backfired
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
