I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
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