hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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