i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
