i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Fuck appropriateness.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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