i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize
