hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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