I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
