I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
