I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
