Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Congratulations! We have a period
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