You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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