I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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