i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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