im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
