An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
