you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
