Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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