having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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