I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
